Part II

Okay, I left off with finding out my bro was getting married. Because my mom told me and there was no official proposal.

Monday - Mom went to her safety deposit box for her wedding rings.
Background: My father died in a plane crash when I was 5. I wear his wedding band on my right hand. It was my present for high school graduation from my mother. My brother has his other ring that he recieved for graduation. Marshell walked me down the aisle at my wedding. He had broken ribs, fractured tailbone, lacerated kidney and was told not to. He even put his cane to the side. (He was supposed to be on crutches.) Back to phone conversations.....
Mom: So I went to the safety deposit box today.
Me: Okay.
Mom: I had them change your name.
Me: Good, I need to add a few things and really don't want the hassle.
Mom: I took out my wedding rings.
Me: okay.
Mom: I gave them to your brother for S.
Me: well, that's the best idea i've heard so far.

I am thinking that at least he doesn't have to spend any money. Yes, I trust her to wear my mother's wedding rings. I really do. (That's a good sign, right?)

When they discussed getting married, Marshell said he wanted a very small ceremony and a big party. S. agreed with him. Since then, she wants the whole package. I am talking 160 people at the ceremony, compared to the original 10 or less. I'm pissed. My brother should get what he wants. This was discussed before she got the ring! I am so nervous and upset. I decide I need to talk to my brother.....Mom encourages me saying that I can talk to him without him getting upset with me. Sorry, I never realized that he wouldn't get upset with me. I always concerned that I would upset him. I need his approval. I know it stems from my past. Mom thinks it will be okay.

So I started talking. I told him I was not going to be happy until I asked a few questions...I asked, he answered. I felt a little better EXCEPT he said "I am ready to have kids. It sucks that I have to get married first." How am I supposed to feel? Better yet, How is his fiance supposed to feel? Then she started pressing the big wedding. He refused saying he wouldn't show up.
Tonight is Wednesday. We always go to my Granny's house. ALWAYS!!! This tradition started when Grandaddy died a few years ago. S. called mom and wants her to go look at a place for the wedding. First wedding news in about a month. I get a little upset, b/c my mom never misses and my hubby isn't going with me tonight. Then mom calls and says that everything went well. They like the place and it sounds like they are having a full wedding. Is my brother okay with this? We don't know. We haven't talked to him yet.

I'm frustrated once again. I talked to my physcologist earlier (Lucky). Am I afraid to let him go or is this not right? (Sorry, but I just had a total SITC moment.) If they are going with the full wedding, Bubba mentioned she wanted me in it. I don't know if I want to be. I know that I am probably having a hard time letting him go. I used to do everything for him. Shopping, errands, you name it I was there. It hasn't been that way in a while. Am I upset b/c I don't want him to make a mistake or Am I upset b/c I feel like I am loosing him? I know I am scared that I don't think S. is strong enough to take care of him. He is completely different frm any other man I know. I want him to be happy. So for now I choose to stay out of it. When Mom and I got off the phone..I said, "I don't think I am in the mood to discuss M and S's wedding at this time." I can't avoid it for ever, but I'll try for a while.

P.S. If you are reading this and don't usually comment......keep it to yourself if you see me, my husband, my family, or my friends somewhere. Don't make it uncomfortable. Thanks a bunch. ;)