"The Wedding"

Let me just start by saying that hubby and I waited until 30 days out to buy plane tickets. This resulted in the two of us not sitting together on the plane. Which was fine because I listened to my nano and read a magazine. Two other bridesmaids were on our plane....they were a row in front of me. Oh, joy. (do you sense my excitement) We were lucky and didn't check a bag with the whole liquids issue and national security. That being said, we were picked up and proceeded to ride around the airport while the others waited for their bags. (I am so on top of things. ha!) We were in the truck with my boyfriend and his bridezilla (I like her, don't read too much in to that) she mentions casually, "I'm working on the seating chart and you and hubby CAN'T sit together."

Am I fuckin' crazy??!?!? Is that almost as bad as splitting up the bride and groom on their wedding day? My husband and I are both IN the wedding. We have already shelled out $1200.oo for your wedding, BUT we MAY not eat dinner together b/c it would fuck up the toast. I felt like saying "Kiss my southern ass!" But instead I went with the southern hospitatlity....."Don't worry about that. No big deal. mmm...yeah, head table...uh, huh.....no..no...problem" (alone in room with hubby....wtf..we are so changing her seating chart)
I'm beginning to realize that I might be a bit of a control freak.

Rehersal - 45 minute drive from hotel. On the road we lost 2 groomsman and 2 bridesmaids.

Dinner - started atleast 45 minutes late.
After dinner, rednecks took over. We filled the sinks with beer and ice and proceeded to drink the night away. (i was in bed before midnight)

D-day: I have completely changed the itenarary for the day. I will no longer be thumbing a ride to bride's mom to drop off and dress just to ride back to hotel and get my hair done. I have a bridesmaid in charge of taking bride to get hair done. My hubby will pick up and drop off after I get my hair done. NO! Other bridesmaid fails duty. Leaves bride with no ride. My hubby rushes in at the last moment and saves the day.

After running late all day.....drinking 2 bottles of champagne.....arive at church. Note in bridal room: "You're Late." Nice. Well, not as late as the bride's father. Ready to go...where's dad? He thought the wedding was 5, not 4. he showed up at 4:45. I kid you not, the wedding was that late. I snuck in and told the grooms side what was going on. (my side) I spoke to the groom's mom and I can't tell you what she said b/c that 5-foot woman threatened my life if I ever repeated it. (yes, i'm scared)

On to dinner and dancing...hubby switched seats with my dinner partner. All good. Dinner=yummy.
After dinner..............it felt like for-ev-er before anything was going to happen. I had drank enough that I really just didn't give a shit. My sex toy asked me to dance so I did. (before the bride and groom..I know, tacky) We were bored!!! Finally, we made it through all the formalities and just partied. We drank a lot. We drank so much that I don't even remember many pictures that were taken of me that night. No, I am not going to post those. They are "that bad". I'm not talking about "ah, shucks, it really is a bad picture". I'm talking "If you send this picture to anyone else, I may boil your pet rabbit in your kitchen.' (j/k. I love animals)

So, I guess what I am trying to say is my boyfriend is married. I wish him the best of luck. It's done and I may need therapy. But, the hotel sex was worth it. Almost every muscle in my body was sore from it on Monday.