I freakin' hate to go shopping

I am so sick of going shopping and coming home with nothing to wear. I went to the mall today to return a pair of pants that my mother-in-law bought me for my birthday. I love them. They just don't fit. length=good, legs=good, waist= way too big... Tried on several pairs. No luck. So I ended up with store credit at Dillards. I left the women's department and headed over to the juniors. I know some of you out there will say that you want to wear those clothes, but come on. I am twenty-seven years old. I do not need to dress like that. Well, I gave up looking for pants and started looking for dresses. Most everything out right now is black or red. Should I wear black to my brother's wedding? I can't wear red b/c then I would blend in the with the bridesmaid. No luck on dresses. Leave the mall. hmmm.....maybe Old Navy will have some pants that I can wear. Grab four pair of pants two of the a size 2 and two a size 4. The size 2's fit okay in the waist, but are tight on my legs. If I washed them once, they wouldn't fit again. The size 4's I can take off without unbuttoning them. fuck, shit, damn, and all the other words I can't think of right now. Why? Why? Why are clothes sized so differently? I do not have huge legs. I don't run all the time. I don't have fat legs either. If anything is big it's got to be my hips. They sure have spread a lot in the past few years. I am so frustrated!!! And the mall is so crowded with people. Besides pants and a dress, I need a new bra. So, I went to the section in Macy's where the kids section and bras seem to blend together. (never thought about it, but that's kind of weird.) Back to bra searching, at least these are sized about the same. I've just picked up a bra and I hear my name being called...It was my old friend, Blair. We used to work together at Peabody. I even went on his bachelor party in Boston. (no, i was not the stripper. But, i'm sure i did provide some entertainment. ha!) I turn around(bra in hand) and I am face to face with him, his wife, and his son. Face immeadiately turns beet red. I'm not that shy, but I want to choose who I show my bra to. Plus, I had kind of not returned this guy's phone call in quite awhile. We hug, chat, and split. Put bra back, something about them all seeing me with it made me not want it. So to cheer myself up, I went on a mission for Jana's baby shower. It's not until December, but I'm trying to prepare. Enough of my bitching...

Warning: Just in case anyone was thinking of leaving me a "oh, i wish i had that problem." or "you're so lucky to have this problem." kinda comment. You better be quick and duck b/c I'm coming through your computer to punch the shit out of you.
My day will come and I won't stay this thin forever. I don't have children to help me put the pounds on. I have a condition that doesn't let me absorb all of my food. (you can have it, i'll switch with you) So, please just let bitch.